How to walk your dog at -12 (and even lower)

Today’s lesson is in dressing properly!

January 6, 2014

We’re going to start with the assumption that you have on knickers and a bra for starters. Next, tug on the first layer for the legs. Something that wicks away moisture…silk leggings, hosiery; my go-to is a pair of pajama pants that are made from a silky material that clings to the legs. Next a pair of short socks, and these can be thin, to tuck the leggings in to. These should be thin sports socks, maybe made of bamboo or other moisture-wicking material.

Then you’re going to pull on the next layer. I use a pair of knit leggings. This is where you can wear those tacky jeggings that you got for Christmas last year or bought in some misguided fashion attempt the summer before. You’ll tuck these into the next pair of socks, which should be a pair of regular knee highs.

Now, the torso (we’ll return to the legs in a bit). Start with another moisture-wicking first layer. See a theme here? I have some camisoles that do the job, so that’s where I start. Over that goes my fuzzy CudleDuds(c), and then over THAT goes a long-sleeve t-shirt. Whew!

Now, pull on that balaclava that you most certainly have bought. You can add a hat over that, if you wish (I do). Now pull on your sweatshirt. Doing it in this order means the cowl of your balaclava is securely held down around the neck.

Starting to feel warm yet?

Now, pull on your final pair of pants. This is a good spot for your ‘fat jeans’, or for a pair of sweatpants. Once you’ve managed to get those on, pull on a pair of wool socks, and tuck the legs in to those. You can also opt for a pair of snow pants at this point. I have them, but I try to save those for cases of ‘extreme cold’. And to my southern brain, -12 should fit that description, but that bar has been raised now.

You did make sure to go to the bathroom before you started all this, right?

Now, get the boots on. A long shoehorn really helps with this. Rubber rainboots are not a good choice if you plan to be out for a while, but for less than an hour, you’ll be fine. Sneakers are good for dry days, as long as there’s not ice. Always be aware of the ice! And walk like a penguin!

She thinks we’re going out right now…

We’re not done yet! Go pull out that insulated jacket with the hood on it, and slide that on. I tend to put my gloves on first, so that the wrist is secure under the sleeve of the jacket, but unless you have the kind that will expose the fingers, it’s hard to zip up the jacket. But if you can, do gloves first, then jacket. Silk glove liners are very helpful on especially cold or windy days and nights.

Now, grab that long scarf, and wrap it around your neck. The quickest and secure way (and fashionable), is the ‘Sherlock Holmes’ method. Double your scarf, loop it around your neck, reach through the fold and grab the two loose ends and pull them through.

Now, you can put the harness on your dog, clip the leash to her, and waddle outside. You’ll be warm as toast. And probably spend less time outside than you did getting dressed! Although, I tend to stay out longer, simply because, dammit, I am going to get my worth out of all that trouble!